Boss (being rewritten)
by ThatWasDumbButThat'sOkay
Summary: What if Bella was only the quiet, insecure introvert we all know when around Edward and Alice? What if she had a steel backbone and a smart mouth? Based off confidence inspiring songs; named after 'BOSS' - Fifth Harmony. "Those Gossip Girl princesses had nothing on me. I was a class A bitch." Sarcasm, sexual innuendos and super hot vamps this way. Longer summary inside Jasper/Bella
1. It Takes Two to Tango, You Don't Wanna

**SUMMARY:** What if Bella was only the quiet, insecure introvert we all know when around Edward and Alice? What if, when away from the Dominating Duo, she was strong and confident, with a steel backbone and a smart mouth? Around Emmett, she was the competitive little sister with the dirty mouth when smack-talking him over a video game. Around Rosalie, she had an answer to everything, and matched each one of the vampire's malicious glares with a wide, bitchy smirk. Around Carlisle and Esme, she was the witty daughter with a smart remark to any topic. Around Jasper… Well, she never was, as Edward saw him as the weak link; most likely to go after her blood. But she found a way to communicate with him, heightening certain emotions for him to feel, to which he would respond with a different emotion. It was a conversation, of sorts. One only they knew about. Based off many confidence inspiring songs, but named after 'BO$$' by Fifth Harmony. "Those Gossip Girl princesses had nothing on me. I was a class A bitch." Sarcasm, sexual innuendos and super-hot vamps this way.

A/N: THIS IS A REWRITTEN CHAPTER. AS OF THIS DATE – THE TWENTY-NINTH OF JUNE 2017 – IT IS THE FIRST OF TWO UPDATED, REWRITTEN CHAPTERS POSTED. This means that, though the plot hasn't changed, the style of writing will be completely different to the following chapters. Just a warning so no one is confused.

Next order of business: WELCOME [BACK] TO MY STORY! I place this, within the Twilight timeline, just after Edward comes back in New Moon. Now, in my mind, Jake is gay as hell and not a wolf and has been best friends with Bella since youth (I've made them the same age), Bella is a sassy-ass independent bitch who (whilst understandably was upset) did _not_ fall apart when Edward left her. I think that covers everything so on with the show.

 **Chapter 1 – It Takes Two to Tango, You Don't Wanna Dance with Me**

"Boo, you whore," Jake quoted through the phone as his perfectly annoying best friend, Bella Swan, informed him that she wouldn't be coming down for drinks later. "You never come over anymore, bitch… I miss you. And your tits that distract Mr Murphy enough that he doesn't ask for ID when we get whiskey."

Affronted, said best friend, who was holding the phone between her ear and her shoulder due to her hands being busy typing away on her laptop, pouted, despite the fact that he couldn't see it.

"Ho, don't make me hang up on you," she threatened, though both knew full well that she'd be bored instantly and would call him back.

"Okay, okay, sheesh, I'm just sayin'… I mean, seriously, how long has it been since you had your cute, white ass down here anyway? I get bored without you, Bells."

Her answering quip was instantaneous. "That's because you don't have any other friends."

Jacob scoffed, placing a hand over his heart in mock pain. Even without seeing it, Bella knew he was doing just that. "Ouch, that hurt, bitch. Plus, it's not like you're exactly a social butterfly; other than me and your creepy-ass boyfriend's family, you don't have friends either."

Shifting the laptop off its perch on her knees and onto the table beside her bed, Bella rolls her eyes, not surprised in the slightest when her best friend makes a rude comment about her boyfriend. There was a time she used to defend the boy she loved; but she soon learned that it did not stop Jacob Black and his boyfriend-hating comments, so now she simply brushed them off.

"Yes, I do!" She argued in defence. "There's Angela, and Jessica, and Lauren, and Mike, and – "

"Uh huh, and exactly how many of them do you _actually_ like?"

"Hey! Angie's nice! And that doesn't mean they're not my friends – I mean, I don't like _you_ most of the time and you're my best friend."

As she glanced at the clock on her wall, Bella could practically _hear_ his answering pout as he spoke. "Harsh, bitch."

Laughing as she stands up from her bed, she rolls her eyes and placates her best friend of over a decade. "Aw, sweetie, I'm sorry, you know I didn't mean it. Listen, I have to go now but I promise I'll get my cute, white ass down there soon, okay?"

"Fine," Jacob brightens, consoled by the promise and amused by his next thought. "Off to shag your prude?"

Shocked, though she knows she shouldn't be when it comes to him, Bella's jaw drops open and an indignant scoff escapes. "You're gross."

She hangs up quickly, cutting off his answering cackle.

 _Cackle. Like a witch. Aren't all witches female? Oh, gross, Jake as a woman. Oh, gross, Jake with a_ _ **vagina**_ _._

Shuddering in disgust, Bella does her best to shake the thought from her mind as she walks downstairs, knowing Alice will have seen her decision to pay the Cullens a visit and would already be on her way. The brunette passes her father in the living room, eyes glued to the television, as he gives a half-hearted wave in what he hopes is her direction. It isn't.

Chuckling, Bella tells him she's going to see Edward and that she'll be back later.

With a smirk, Charlie casually nods and answers. "Use protection."

Scoffing at her dad's idea of a joke, she answers in turn. "Nah, only the boring people do. I'm too cool for that."

"Alright, but trust me, I know from experience the horrors of having a child. You're on your own with that one."

 _He didn't even bat an eyelid. Actually, he didn't even bat an eyelid and he also insulted me at the same time._

Opening her mouth to reply with an equally sassy remark – _because Isabella Swan does_ not _back down from a challenge_ – she is cut off by the doorbell and all is forgotten.

"See you later, dad," Bella calls out as she opens the front door and steps outside.

"Hey, Alice."

~*~BOSS~*~

After numerous hours of torture – Alice style – Bella is freed, only to land in the clutches of Emmett and his array of video games. On the one hand, the now primped-up brunette is happy because playing video games is shit she can dig most of the time – with her equally-human friends – but playing against someone with vampire reflexes makes it extremely difficult for her and her competitiveness.

As the hulking form of Emmett grins over at her, victorious again, she pouts, huffing. "Shut up, bitch, you might beat me at video games but I'm prettier than you."

The mountain of a man barks out a laugh, and his much smaller, much less supernatural side-kick joins him, rolling her eyes at herself and her tantrum.

Their banter continues back and forth as they carry on playing until eventually Emmett's teasing drives Bella to throw a sofa cushion at him before storming off in faux outrage.

In the kitchen, she comes across the most mysterious member of the family and, without even looking at him, she initiates _their_ kind of conversation – intensifying her brotherly love for Emmett and combining it with mischievousness. This immediately tips Jasper off that she's plotting revenge and he can't help the smirk that grows on his face nor the twinkle of humour that glints in his eye as he silently leaves the room.

Bella, grinning and plotting, hops up to sit on the kitchen counter, counting down the days until she grows the balls to tell her controlling boyfriend that he isn't her father and can't stop her from speaking to Jasper if she so wishes. And she does so wish.

 _Now, what to do to Emmett…_

 **A/N: Let me know what you think of the rewrite in the form of a review. I hope you enjoyed it and I promise to do my best to get the next rewrite up soon.**

 **Also,** **serious question, guys.** **I really don't have a vision of where I want this story to go, so I was thinking of making it like a request/prompt sort of thing? Like you guys give me a phrase/idea/word and I turn it into a chapter and sort of shape it all into one big story. I don't know, but if you guys are interested let me know and start sending your prompts (for Chapter 10 and onwards)! Just an idea, let me know what you think.**

 **I am currently looking for a Beta so if anyone's interested, just PM me!**

 **Disclaimer: Yep, it's all me, I wrote Twilight (are you kidding me? Of course, I didn't). Also, the titles of the chapters are taken from previously mentioned confidence inspiring songs. This chapter is from 'Jealous Girl' by Lana del Rey.**

 **Thanks and kisses, Lianne.**


	2. I'm a Marquise Diamond

A/N: THIS IS A REWRITTEN CHAPTER. AS OF THIS DATE – THE TWENTY-NINTH OF JUNE 2017 – IT IS THE LAST OF TWO UPDATED, REWRITTEN CHAPTERS POSTED. This means that, though the plot hasn't changed, the style of writing will be completely different to the following chapters. Just a warning so no one is confused.

 **Chapter Two – I'm a Marquise Diamond**

Edward's hunt soon comes to an end and Bella finds herself being 'advised' to eat something much healthier than the pizza she had decided to order. She picks at the vegetables on her plate, wondering who _the fuck_ eats _green_ food. Finally, she decides that the fuck who are rabbits and should remain rabbits only.

In the end, like the sympathetic mother-figure she was, Esme compromised and also made an omelette so stuffed with cheese just thinking about it made Bella's mouth water.

Omelette sufficiently devoured, Bella is once again faced with the healthy portion of her food.

"Do you really expect me to eat this, Edward?"

Looking positively baffled that such a question would ever occur to her, Edward nods. "Of course I do; anything to keep you safe, healthy and alive, my love."

The answer could've been rehearsed; the way it rolled off his tongue so easily.

Scoffing, Bella rolls her eyes.

' _Alive'. What else is new?_

Inspiration hits sometime between lettuce and tomato, and Bella knows exactly what to do to Emmett. Looking over at Edward, she sees that he's absentmindedly twirling a strand of her hair around his finger with a soft expression on his face. _This_ was the boy she'd fallen in love with, what felt to her like eons ago. He had changed so much – the whole James fiasco had been the first turning point, followed by the whole 'I'm leaving you because you're not good enough for me but I'm actually leaving to protect you and then I thought you'd died so I decided to kill myself only to have you save me and be confronted by the Kings of vampires' debacle, and Edward just _wasn't_ the same person. And she wasn't either. Once upon a time, back in Phoenix, she'd been so independent and strong.

 _To be perfectly honest, those_ GossipGirl _princesses had nothing on me. I was a Class A bitch. And look at me now._

Bella could honestly say that she was ashamed of who she'd become since meeting Edward. What the fuck had happened to her fire? Her sarcasm? Her _backbone_?

She certainly didn't know.

And what had happened to Edward's humor? His passion? His _freedom_? He always seemed so _trapped_ now, what with the need to be in control of everything at all times.

 _It must be so tiring… But so is trying to cope with it._

And it was clearly his own choice to be that way, Bella knew it, and he did too. It was then that Bella truly opened her eyes to the problem she was facing; She may still love her boyfriend, but she certainly didn't like the person he'd turned into.

~*~BOSS~*~

That evening found the 'children' of the family packed into the living room, all eyes on the TV, watching some horror movie play out cliché by cliché. Most were actually paying attention, but Bella was not; too caught up in her recent epiphany. She's pulled out of her thoughts by a loud scream emanating from the television's speakers and catches a glance at the positioning of the other people in the room. While she herself is curled up against Edward's side, almost out of habit now, Rosalie is literally sat in Emmett's lap, his huge arms curled around her waist, one hand absentmindedly stroking the small slip of skin visible there. Alice and Jasper, however, are almost completely opposite the room to each other, looking completely comfortable being away from each other.

 _Strange. I wonder if that'll be me and Edward in half a century's time; I highly doubt we'll be like Emmett and Rosalie._

Bella may have held back her sigh of sadness, but it didn't prevent Jasper from feeling the wave of unhappiness that suddenly rolls off her. His head snaps around to look at her, a little worried, and hopes she can tell from his expression that if she wants to talk about it then he's there. She seems to understand, but shakes her head minutely. The action makes Jasper feel a little dejected, although he can't seem to figure out why.

Not two minutes later, Bella sets her revenge on Emmett in motion, recruiting Jasper as a sidekick.

"Hey, Em." The giant of a vampire turns to her in question, giving her just enough time to school her expression into her best poker face. "Don't you need to hunt today?" The amount of sweetness and concern in her voice would make her puke if she didn't know every bit of it was fake.

The grin on Emmett's face almost splits it in half from his chin upwards. "Aw, Bellsy, you don't have to worry about me! I'm a big, strong vampire-man," mid-sentence he strides over and picks her up, swinging her over his shoulder casually. "I'll look after myself and you – protect you from the big bad staircases and tables that convince you to fall over so often."

That was it.

"Try not to make too much of a mess, Em, I know you like to play with your squirrels but you only have two other pairs of jeans after those." The words sounded fine, but her eyes were full of malice; revenge on the mind. It also sounded as if she was talking to the brute that had her tossed over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, but in fact the words were aimed at Jasper; made clear to him by her meaningful stare and dose of mischievousness.

Nodding slightly to show his understanding, Jasper contemplates what the little human could be doing to his brother's pants as he vaguely mentions something about also needing to hunt.

Bella's gratefulness comes in a wave and he wonders exactly why that makes him grin so wide as he runs off after Emmett into the trees surrounding the huge Cullen household.

 **A/N: Second rewritten chapter done! I finished my exams on 22/06/17 and went on holiday on the 25** **th** **. I am currently in Cyprus (29** **th** **) and got one half of this rewrite done on the plane here and the other half done two minutes ago (it's 03:05am). I would like you to bear in mind that I have been drinking since 9pm so please be gentle with me if you find a typo; I've done my best. Just let me know and I'll edit it ASAP.**

 **Let me know what you think of the rewrite in the form of a review. I hope you enjoyed it and I promise to do my best to get the next rewrite up soon.**

 **Also,** **serious question, guys.** **I really don't have a vision of where I want this story to go, so I was thinking of making it like a request/prompt sort of thing? Like you guys give me a phrase/idea/word and I turn it into a chapter and sort of shape it all into one big story. I don't know, but if you guys are interested let me know and start sending your prompts (for Chapter 10 and onwards)! Just an idea, let me know what you think.**

 **P.S. No one will be receiving teasers of the rewritten chapters as the plot will stay basically the same. Sorry, guys.**

 **Side Note: It's my dad's birthday today! He won't see this but HAPPY 60TH DAD!**

 **I am currently looking for a Beta so if anyone's interested, just PM me!**

 **Disclaimer: Yep, it's all me, I wrote Twilight (are you kidding me? Of course, I didn't). Also, the titles of the chapters are taken from previously mentioned confidence inspiring songs. This chapter is from 'Good For You' by Selena Gomez.**

 **Thanks and kisses, Lianne.**


	3. Shove Your Hope Where It Don't Shine

**A/N: Here's Chapter 3! I sent teasers out to my Chapter 2 reviewers yesterday so if you want a teaser for Chapter 4 – which is yet to be written – then review, please!**

Chapter 3 – Shove Your Hope Where It Don't Shine

 **BPOV**

I knew I had a limited amount of time – a few hours, yes, but with what I wanted to do I would need that time completely – so I set to work straight away.

"Aliiiiiiicce?" I questioned, using my sweetest voice and puppy-dog eyes against her.

"Bellaaaaa?" Her sarcastic reply as she turned to look at me told me I had caught her in a good mood as she was joking; and I needed that to sweeten her up to let me borrow something close to her heart.

"You have a sewing machine, right?" As soon as the question comes out of my mouth her eyes go blank as she searches through the future. I knew her and Edward never approved of mine and Emmett's sibling-like pranks but I refused to back down this time – it was much too good an idea to not use.

I knew the second she saw my plan because she sighed like a frustrated mother whose toddler was acting up again, and Edward began shaking his head as though fed up of mine and Em's antics.

 _And here I thought it was the best prank yet…_

"Bella, you're usually so mature but… These things you've been doing to Emmett are downright childish." Alice inputted her opinion as soon as she finished the vision. "Seriously, we _expect_ Emmett to act like a 7-year-old – it's who he is – but you… You're being so immature that I'm almost ashamed to call you my best friend." She added a patronising shake of her head to the end of her speech before standing and heading to the stairs. "I'll let you borrow it but this is a one-time only offer and is only happening in exchange that you let me choose your outfits for the next week. Your style is horrendous."

She disappears up the stairs and I mull over everything she said. It's a good thing I sent Jasper hunting with Emmett; he'd feel dizzy from the amount of emotions that flew through me as she was speaking. Hope and anticipation to embarrassment and shame to shock, anger and sadness to excitement and mischievousness. Now that I had time to think about all the things she said, the emotions were swirling around inside me like a whirlwind. 'Ashamed to call you my best friend'? How dare she? All because I wanted to prank my big brother? My inner child was shouting, trying to avenge her hurtful words.

 _Who said_ you _were my best friend? I have Jake; I don't need you!_

I knew that thinking this _was_ childish but… It was true. I never had called her my best friend – Jake had filled that position since we were 3, even when I was in Phoenix. She was the complete opposite to Jake. Though we constantly called each other hateful names, we both knew it was only fun and it worked perfectly. We clicked – soul siblings, we said we were. But with Alice, when she said something insulting – 'ashamed' of me and 'horrendous style' – she meant it. That realization hurt. She was trying to change me.

 _And I was letting her._

Why? With Edward, I did what he asked because I love him, but Alice… If she were my friend… She'd be supporting of who I was, like Jake, and Em… Right?

I was pulled out of my musings by a frustrated-looking Edward. "Bella," he put his hand on my cheek, moving my head so I would look at him.

 _Jesus Christ! He even controls where I look! When did I lose my backbone? I was the strongest, most stubborn, independent bitch in my school at Phoenix – where was_ that _me?_

I didn't know, but she certainly wasn't there because I let him move my head as he spoke to me like you would a child. "Alice is right, all these practical jokes, whilst amusing at first, are getting childishly tiresome. I simply cannot allow you to continue with these shenanigans. What if one of you took it too far and you got injured? I would only blame myself for not putting a…" His voice faded away as I stopped listening, staring at him with my jaw hanging.

 _Was he serious?_

 _Allow_ me? Fucking _allow_ me? I could do whatever the hell I damn well pleased! He didn't control me! I was my own person! Fuck him! If I want to prank my brother, I will! And he can't stop me! Hell, if I wanted to prank the President, he couldn't stop me! Law enforcement probably would but, I digress. The asshole!

 _Who does he think he is? Allow me! What a prick!_

Whilst my inner voice fumed, outwards I nodded as he asked if I understood. What the fuck was I doing? Why was I agreeing?

"Good," he continued, oblivious to my concealed rage. "So no more pranks. You may have this last one but then, no more. Okay?"

 _I_ may _? Why, that fucking –_

My thoughts are interrupted once again as Alice bounds into the room, yielding her sewing machine and Emmett's two remaining pairs of jeans. I grin and thank her, taking the items into the dining room with the excuse of a larger table but, really, I needed time to think on my recent epiphanies about both of them.

I set up the machine and Alice popped her head in with some fabric scissors which I took quick thank you. I put one pair of the jeans against me to find whereabouts the jeans would fit on Emmett. Obviously, he was a hell of a lot bigger than me, and you could probably fit around four full-sized Bellas into them, but it helped to give me an idea of where to cut. I began working straight away; aware that time was of the essence. I snipped both pairs until they were shorts around the same size and then set to work on making them smaller. Now, sewing was certainly not my forte, but I had gotten pretty good when it was one of Renee's phases and she forced us to go to a class three times a week.

After what was at least two hours of work I sat back, proud of what I had accomplished and excited for Em's reaction. I stepped out of the dining room only to find that neither Edward nor Alice were still in the living room, but Rosalie and Esme had taken their places. As per, Rose gave me a glare that would've had Charlie planning my funeral if looks could kill, and in return I shot her a bitchy smirk, placing her husband's recently edited clothing into her lap. Although we loathed each other, there was one thing Rose and I had in common; our love of pranking Emmett. For some reason, his crazy-ass bitch of a wife enjoyed pranking him too – not that I'm complaining, she'd helped me plenty of times before, as she would this time.

She picked them up, inspecting them with a small grin before speeding off to put them back into Em's drawers. I sat down on the couch, shooting Esme a proud grin to which she returned with a small chuckle and an eye roll. "I don't know what I'd do for fun if you and Em stopped pranking each other." She shook her head slightly, laughing. I, however, forced a smile onto my face before turning towards the TV. So Esme _didn't_ think it was childish? She _enjoyed_ it?

 _Well, it is pretty fucking hilarious._

But Edward said everyone was getting bored… Edward wouldn't lie. But… Neither would Esme. _Would_ Edward lie – if it meant getting what he wanted? I know Alice certainly twisted the truth about the future at times when it would benefit her but… Did Edward do the same about what was on people's minds? If so…

 _How often had my boyfriend been lying to me?_

 **A/N: So no JxB action in this chapter, but Bella's beginning to realise the power the duo have over her and just how much she doesn't like it! Jasper will be in the next chapter and, because I know some of you thought he was funny, Jake may make another appearance; if I can squeeze him in! This is the longest chapter yet so… That should mean more reviews, right?**

 **THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone that has reviewed – you have made this story my priority.**

 **And I am currently looking for a Beta if anyone's interested, just PM me!**

 **Also, there will be swearing throughout the entirety of the story and probably lemons later on 'cause we all love a bit of fruit, don't we? So if you're underage, go away or just don't tell me so then my conscience is clear, 'kay?**

 **Disclaimer: Yep, it's all me, I wrote Twilight (are you kidding me? Of course I didn't). Also, the titles of the chapters are taken from previously mentioned confidence inspiring songs. This chapter is from 'Shove It' by Santigold.**

 **Thanks and kisses, Lianne.**


	4. Outta the Ordinary, Unusual

**A/N: So this is Chapter 4! I know it took a lot longer than the other chapters but I like to write at least 3 pages and I got stuck for days after 2 but today I got past it and it became the longest chapter yet – 5 pages! Enjoy!**

Chapter 4 – Outta the Ordinary; Unusual

 **JPOV**

The funny little human had always confused me. She was such an independent soul and yet, when around Edward and Alice, she turned into this meek little mouse that needed permission to go into another room. Lately, however, her backbone was showing – not through her actions by far, she still did everything asked of her, but I could feel her frustration and anger growing each time she was coerced by the mind-fuckers. I know, I know – I shouldn't talk about my wife like that but, sadly, Alice was no longer the beautiful, energetic little pixie of a thing I met at the diner; she was now a cold-hearted, selfish know-it-all who looked down on everyone as though superior to the rest of us. I blame Edward. He had always been a self-centred brat but he changed Alice into one too; believing their gifts meant they were of a higher status. I could barely even look at my wife anymore, for all I saw now was a reflection of him.

 _Not that she cared…_

Just as I began to distance from Alice; she distanced from me. She still kept me under her control – when I hunted, when we fucked (not often) and even what I wore. Now that I can have an objective opinion, I see that our relationship is exactly the same as Bella and Edward's. And theirs is fucked up. I have accepted that my wife no longer loves me, as I no longer love her, though I still grieve for our lost happiness. There is only one thing that brightens my mood when I am like that.

 _Sassy Bella._

Not Edward's Bella, but Bella when she is away from the Dominating Duo; funny, smart-assed, sarcastic, mischievous Bella. Just her emotions can bring a smile to my face – they are so strong and pure they're like a drug to me. But even better is her sarcasm. Damn, that girl has an answer to abso-fuckin'-lutely everything! She really lets her mouth run when she's gamin' with Em; threats of bodily harm via zippo are made often, alongside very creative names and lots of pouting. Em loves it – the only other person that talks back when playing is me but, as Alice berates me for the 'horrible things to say to family', I tend not to play often.

I enjoy sitting in on their gaming sessions though, and not only for Bella's smart mouth. I also highly enjoy our 'conversations'. I remember the first time she reached out to me via my gift – it shocked the shit right outta me. It was right before a prank on Emmett and she shot me a quick smirk with a shit-load of deviousness and amusement. The deviousness was a different kind to the type I felt radiating from Edward and Alice when they lied to manipulate people. Theirs was always full of self-satisfaction and maliciousness but the kind Bella sent my way was filled with humor and, when she cut her eyes to Emmett before flicking them back to me, I knew exactly what she was saying and an inevitable grin grew on my face before I could stop it. No one but her noticed, and she filled with pride, satisfaction and happiness when she saw that I understood and was in on her plan. How one human had figured out this could be done but thousands of vampires that had been acquaintances hadn't, I would never know, but I would never doubt her intelligence ever again.

 _Unless she was around Edward or Alice, because, in that case, both her intelligence and sanity are questionable._

Then again, I was the exact same with Alice so, I couldn't really talk. Or… think.

 _Whatever._

I am pulled out of my musings by an extremely dirty Emmett who is smiling like he is proud of himself. His attire is ripped, muddy and bloody. Not only is his t-shirt hanging on one shoulder but I'm pretty sure it is now backless, and his jeans are no better; massive holes – one big enough that I could see almost all of his thigh – along with leaves and dirt and blood crushed into the fibres of the jeans.

 _My work here is done. You're welcome, Bella._

I had no idea what she had planned for Em's remaining jeans but I sure as hell would do anything to help her. Not only because I know whatever it is will be hilarious but, I really liked seeing this side of Bella. My mind can barely even comprehend that she's the same Bella who turns into a quiet little mouse around Assward and Malice – names she had referred to them in her anger after they tried to ban her from visiting La Push. I can understand their reasonin' on that one though – strangely enough, I felt panic every time she went down there. I knew it was because there was a young werewolf, Sam, who lived there; what I didn't know was why _I_ was worried for her safety. Sure, I liked the witty little human but there were billions of others that could replace her; she was easily disposable.

 _So why did just_ thinkin' _that hurt so much?_

I shake my head to stop the craziness and listen as Em tells me about his kills, running without effort towards our home. We split once we reach the house as he goes upstairs to shower and change. I meander into the living room, almost pulled there because of Bella's strange emotions – sadness, disappointment, betrayal, embarrassment and, finally, resignation. She was usually ecstatic when she pranked Emmett. She certainly had never felt such downtrodden emotions all at once before. And when she had felt them singularly, it was when she was around Edward. Or Alice.

 _What in the name of fuck had they done?_

Esme sat, oblivious to Bella's internal shitstorm, watching a movie on the TV with little interest and beamed up at me as I walked through the door. Her emotions were full of love for her family, along with a little humor – at Bella's prank, no doubt because, although she tried to hide it as she was supposed to be our mother figure; she found them all fuckin' hilarious. There was also a small tug of longing, but I knew by now that it would go away once Carlisle was home from work as it was the mating pull.

 _I've never felt that with Alice… Just more proof to add to the growing pile of 'Reasons I Don't Think Alice Is Actually My Mate'. Y'know, along with the fact that she's such a self-centred, controlling bitch._

Now that I think about it… She and Eddie would make a perfect couple. I sit down on the couch, next to Bella – _fuck you, Dominating Duo, I do what the fuck I want to –_ and send her a little confusion mixed with concern because, hell, apparently I cared about the little human.

"Just thinking," previously mentioned human mumbles, tilting her head to look up at me; apparently I wasn't the only one breaking the mind-fuckers' rules today – she was actually answering out loud. "I had an epiphany today… Well, I had several, actually." Her voice is still quiet but I can hear her easily.

"Are you… Okay?" I don't usually have to ask this question but Bella's either complicated or crazy because I can never understand her emotions. I can feel Esme's confusion and shock as no one knew we were this close but us, since no one else was ever apart of our 'conversations'.

Bella looks up at me, smirking slightly. "What, you can't tell? My emotions not clear enough for you?"

I grin in return, shaking my head. "No. Actually, I have a theory about you. And why your emotions contradict what you're thinkin'."

"Oh? Do tell." Her small smirk grows into a grin that matches mine as her emotions begin to change into humor and… Curiosity?

"You're crazy." As soon as the words come out she lets out a laugh and rolls her eyes. "See? You're doing it right now! You're feelin' curious about fuck knows what – sorry, Esme – and you think it's _funny_ that I think you need to be put away. You're crazy." I couldn't help but let out a chuckle at her infectious laugh and I hear Esme laugh lightly as well.

"And you're stupid. I'm glad we established that." She shoots me an innocent smile as I growl playfully when she calls me stupid. "Shut up, you can call me crazy but I can't call you stupid? That's not fair."

"Convince me you're not crazy then. Tell me what you're suddenly curious about." As I bargain one eyebrow raises and she rolls her eyes at me.

"It's not that interesting…" At my look she sighs and answers. "Your drawl. I've never noticed it before. I was just… Wondering why, I suppose." She looks up at me with questioning eyes and I suddenly feel compelled to answer, as if I had committed some kind of crime and wanted to explain my reasoning to her so she'd understand.

 _That's just weird…_

"Well… Alice has never liked it, so…" I shrug lamely, not having another answer to give. Jesus I sound like such a pussy! I learned to speak without my accent because _Alice_ didn't like it. Motherfuck, I didn't just sound like a pussy, I _was_ one!

Bella's anger flares up as she grits her teeth in an attempt to calm down. For a second I thought she was angry at me for giving in or some shit like that but I soon realize she's angry at Alice for forcing me to change. And it's… Nice. I've never had someone get angry on my behalf before. No one's ever cared enough or, in my family's case, had any reason to believe it was Alice's fault – she had been the sweet little princess since the day we arrived. Up until now, of course, because Bella had taken that place in Carlisle's, Esme's and Emmett's hearts now as they began to realize what a bitch my wife actually is.

"Well…" Bella spoke after calming herself down slightly, "Whether Alice does or not…" She tilts her head to smile up at me. "I like it." I am slightly stunned by the whirlwind of emotions those simple words cause inside me – happiness being the main one. She wasn't just saying she liked my accent, she was telling me she accepted me for who I was – something Alice never has done and never will do.

I open my mouth to answer, no idea what I'm going to say and I am interrupted before I can think of something by Emmett shouting from upstairs, "BELLA! _What the fuck have you done to my jeans?_ "

 **A/N: Everyone who reviewed for the last chapter received their teaser on the 1** **st** **of July so if you review you will get a teaser** _ **way**_ **before I post the chapter. You want that? Then review. Please.**

 **Soooo there was much more JxB in this chapter – hope that makes you happy! I know I didn't manage to fit Jake in but he will make a reappearance soon. Some of you may feel that it's odd that Jasper thinks more of Bella than she does him at the moment but she's only just realising who it is she's actually dating and how much she doesn't like him. Also, mating is a vampire thing so he'd feel it a lot stronger than she would as a human. Although he still hasn't figured it out yet.**

 **THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone that has reviewed – you have made this story my priority.**

 **And I am currently looking for a Beta if anyone's interested, just PM me!**

 **Also, there will be swearing throughout the entirety of the story and probably lemons later on 'cause we all love a bit of fruit, don't we? So if you're underage, go away or just don't tell me so then my conscience is clear, 'kay?**

 **Disclaimer: Yep, it's all me, I wrote Twilight (are you kidding me? Of course I didn't). Also, the titles of the chapters are taken from previously mentioned confidence inspiring songs. This chapter is from 'Conceited' by Remy Ma.**

 **Thanks and kisses, Lianne.**


	5. Who Is Gonna Stop Me?

**A/N: It's only been a day but I couldn't help myself! Your reviews spurred me on and I have another chapter for you! I only started writing it about two hours ago and, I apologise profusely to my Chapter 4 reviewers, as the teasers didn't enter my mind until I'd already finished the chapter so, you only got them about 10 minutes ago. I am sorry but hopefully you will forgive me as I have posted a new chapter so quickly.**

Chapter 5 – Who Is Gonna Stop Me When I'm Coming Through?

 **BPOV**

"Shit," I mumble as I hear Emmett's almost roar from upstairs. It's not because I'm scared of him; my big bear of a brother would never hurt me but… He's pissed, and that only means one thing.

 _Revenge._

I can almost hear his internal war – should he come down in his used-to-be-jeans-but-now-booty-shorts or just stark naked? Because we all know Em never wears underwear; he doesn't even own any, so that's not an option. He must've made a decision because all of a sudden there is a whoosh of air and I am lifted up and thrown over a massive rock of a shoulder. He spins me round until I feel dizzy before dropping me back onto the couch; Jasper catching me in his arms as I begin to slip off the side as Em hadn't set me down properly.

"Oops. Sorry, Bells." Em grins sheepishly at me as Jasper helps me back onto the couch fully. I look up to Jasper to thank him and suddenly find myself drowning in his golden eyes. They sucked me in like quicksand and I find it almost impossible to look away but, thankfully, he seemed to feel the same as he hadn't removed his arms or broken eye contact. I realize it's probably getting weird now so I force myself to move away slightly and his arms drop immediately as he looks down, apparently a little embarrassed.

"Thanks, Jasper, I'd've landed flat on my ass. Sorry, Esme." I shoot a cheeky grin her way and effectively make Jasper feel better as he looks up and smiles, rolling his eyes at the way I used a smile to stop her from reprimanding my language. I send him the same grin along with a burst of humor, which turns into an explosion of humor when I finally take in Emmett's appearance. The shorts fit to him tightly and stop just underneath his ass. I burst into laughter and Esme and Jasper join me as they refocus on Em too. Rose comes downstairs just to join in but Edward and Alice are nowhere to be seen.

 _What a surprise…_

It gets even better when they all tilt their heads slightly, obviously listening to something out of my hearing range, and all but Emmett begin to laugh harder.

"Shit," he mumbles, glancing at the stairs and obviously wondering whether to make a break for it or not. I come to the conclusion that Carlisle is nearly home and, not two minutes later, it is confirmed as he walks through the front door. At first he looks confused as to why we are all laughing but then he notices and doesn't even try to hold his composure, just joins in with the rest of us. Emmett growls in frustration and glares at me.

"I am going to get you," he points a finger at me as he exits, but we're all too busy staring at the way his butt moves in the shorts that we don't pay any attention and just laugh louder. He doesn't like that and flits off upstairs at vampire speed. We all laugh for a good couple of minutes afterwards but finally calm down and Jasper hands me his phone. I look at him, confused, but understand as soon as I see what is on the screen – pictures of Em in the shorts. It sets me off laughing again and he joins in with chuckles, leaning over to look at the phone as he swipes back and forth, showing me the different photos. I can sense someone watching us so I glance up to see Carlisle looking at our interaction, confused. I suppose it was at our apparently sudden closeness as no one knew we were friends.

 _Guess they do now._

I look back down at the phone as Jasper shows me a particularly hilarious picture and I laugh softly, tilting my head to look at Jasper. "Can I borrow this?" I indicate towards the phone and, at his bemused nod, I open up a new text message and type in Jake's number, sending him the picture along with a short message to let him know it's me: _'You might think it's sad that they're my only other friends but at least they're funny. You're just a bitch. Kisses.'_ Jasper chuckles at my typed words and I know he knows exactly who I sent it to because Edward and I have had many an argument about that particular person – it may be the only time I've ever actually not given in, but Jake was just too important to me to lose. So, inevitably, we have had a lot of 'conversations' about him.

It doesn't take long for my bestie to answer and I chuckle at how completely confused and desperate Jake obviously is. _'WTAF is going on? You told me that one was straight! I'd have tried harder to meet him if I knew you were such a bullshitter. You'd better call me and grovel bitch bc I may not forgive you if I've lost my chance. Mwah xx'_ I roll my eyes but press the call button anyway and bring the phone to my ear noticing, now that I have finally lifted my head, that only Jasper and I are left in the room. It doesn't even ring once before he answers.

"Ho, how could you do this to me? He is _super_ hot – especially in those shorts! I know he's your brother and it creeps you out but I thought you loved me enough to want me to be happy! And, trust me, that ass would make me happy." My face scrunches up as I try not to imagine Em in any kind of sexual situation with Jake.

"First of all, ew, that's disgusting and I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. Second, quit whining before I hang up on you. And third, he _is_ straight." I make my voice all sad to make him feel guilty. "You know I'd never lie to you." I see Jasper grinning and shaking his head at my manipulation so I stick my tongue out at him. Because I'm so very mature.

 _Obviously…_

But he's not much better, because he does the exact same back to me as Jake begins speaking again. "I know, I know, I'm sorry but… There is _no way_ a straight guy would put on shorts like that. I mean, come on, they were sexier than all of your underwear put together." He lets out a scoff as if my bra and panty choices offend him as Jasper begins chuckling at my expense next to me, and I hear Emmett's howling laughter from across the house.

"All of you can shut up and fuck off," I grumble as I pout childishly.

"Oh, shit, did they hear? Sorry, sweetie, but you should know better than to put me on speaker. I could've come out with something worse though, like that one time in Phoenix – " I cut him off before he can give Em so much ammunition that I would never be able to get back at him.

"Shut up, Jacob!" I growl into the phone, blushing at just the memory of that story. "Do you want to wake up in a body bag? Didn't think so, so shut your massive trap."

"Ugh, I hate it when you're all hormonal – call me back when you're not a bitch. Oh wait, that's never."

"Ho." I hang up abruptly, as per usual for our phone conversations and see a text immediately appear on the screen. _'Rude.'_ I answer with a simple _'Whore.'_ and hand the phone back to Jasper who is shaking his head and grinning at our verbal sparring. I push down the strange emotion that rears its head as I realize just how much I like his smile – it isn't crooked, like Edward's, or cheeky, like Emmett's, but it is beautiful none-the-less; broad, genuine and full of humor. I shake my head to get rid of the strange thoughts and stand up from the couch, announcing loudly, "I'm hungry. Rabbit food doesn't fill me up – it's pizza time." I walk away and into the kitchen, trying to forget about the weird feelings I was getting around Jasper.

 _Christ, I have a boyfriend! I don't like him very much at the moment, but he still exists! What the fuck is wrong with me?_

I didn't know but, for some reason, it didn't feel _wrong_... It felt right. Almost like I was supposed to feel this way. I roll my eyes at myself and pick up the phone to order pizza.

 _Don't be silly, Bella. You need to get out more; you're going a bit stir crazy._

I shake my head to free me of those thoughts and begin to recite my usual order to the man on the phone, deciding to think about it later.

 **A/N: Back to B's POV for this chapter, as I find it much easier to write as her than Jasper, but there will be more JPOV chapters in the future, I promise!**

 **No Edward or Alice in the last two chapters! I'm sure that makes some of you happy! But I regret to inform you that they will likely be in the next chapter. I don't know for sure because I haven't even started it.**

 **But, yay, Jake was in this chapter so hopefully that pleased some of you!**

 **Well, it's 01:54 in the morning so I'm going to try to get some sleep now! Goodnight!**

 **THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone that has reviewed – you have made this story my priority. All reviewers will receive a teaser for the next chapter.**

 **And I am currently looking for a Beta if anyone's interested, just PM me!**

 **Also, there will be swearing throughout the entirety of the story and probably lemons later on 'cause we all love a bit of fruit, don't we? So if you're underage, go away or just don't tell me so then my conscience is clear, 'kay?**

 **Disclaimer: Yep, it's all me, I wrote Twilight (are you kidding me? Of course I didn't). Also, the titles of the chapters are taken from previously mentioned confidence inspiring songs. This chapter is from 'Bad Girls' by M.I.A.**

 **Thanks and kisses, Lianne.**


	6. Give a Little, Get a Lot, How You Are

**A/N: Here's Chapter 6! I sent teasers out to my Chapter 5 reviewers over two days ago so if you want a teaser for Chapter 7 – which is yet to be written – then review, please! Grovelling and excuses are at the bottom, because I figured you'd want to read the chapter first.**

Chapter 6 – Give a Little, Get a Lot; That's Just How You Are with Love

 **JPOV**

Her emotions flitted from one to another so quickly as she walked away, I almost didn't have time to feel what they were. _Almost._ Confusion was the strongest, but underneath that were feelings like desire, longing, humor, happiness and curiosity. Hidden underneath that layer of emotions were the lingering feelings of sadness, disappointment, betrayal and embarrassment she had been feeling just before me and Em got back. Obviously the Pompous Pair had been on a roll today when playing the game 'Who Can Hurt Bella the Most?' because she had certainly never felt, for lack of a better word, so _shitty._

Not even when Carlisle had let it slip that Dobby – from the _Harry Potter_ series – dies in a later book that Bella hadn't read yet. She was devastated; although only having read five pages with him in it, she had fallen in love with the little house elf quickly and so, when she brought him up in conversation, and Carlisle informed her of his demise, she looked ready to cry. She finished that particular book – _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets_ – but had been unable to continue with the series since – too afraid of reaching Dobby's last appearance. Granted, it has only been a week and, the impatient little bookworm she is, there's no doubt she'll continue the books soon.

My mind flitted back to her strange emotions that appeared to be the reason behind her confusion. The longing could easily be explained away – she could miss her Quileute friend - Jacob Black, she could long for Edward to have been there instead of me, laughing at Emmett, or even for the pizza I can hear her ordering over the phone. Desire, though, is a much more complex emotion than longing. Although that narrows down the list of things she wants as, longing could be for anything, but desire is a form of lust and want.

 _What could she possibly desire so much?_

That particular emotion is usually saved for other people, although, sometimes there is the exception of a very expensive object. Edward was nowhere in the room, but she could have easily been thinking of him. Though it didn't seem very fucking likely after he upset her so much earlier.

 _If so…_ Who _could she possibly desire so much?_

I am dragged out of my thoughts as she hangs up the phone and walks back into the room, practically dropping down onto the sofa next to me. She looks up at me and I am reminded of what transpired between us earlier. I had just caught her in my arms when she looked at me, so similarly to how she is currently, and, for some strange reason, I couldn't find it in myself to look away. In that moment, it was just the two of us in the room and nothing else in the world seemed to matter; the beauty I had caught held my full attention, her eyes pulling me in until I felt like I was drowning.

 _In the best way possible._

The connection was snapped as she pulled away, seemingly uncomfortable with something.

 _Most likely the fact that a monster such as myself wouldn't let her the fuck go._

She thanks me in her particular dialogue – cursing, of course – and flashes an extremely cheeky grin in Esme's direction, knowing it would stop her from getting into trouble. The sight was a relief, especially when she looks at me the same way, just a second later. It's a relief as I know I didn't scare her away – my thoughts couldn't have been right anyway, as she knew nothing of my past, nothing of the monster whose wife still can't bear to look at him without a shirt on.

"So," her soft voice pulls me back to the present, "No more silent conversations?" There is a sad tone in her words and I can feel that she is more than a little sorrowful at the loss of our secret means of communication.

"Oh, no," I grin, "You're not getting rid of me that easily." I send her a dose of humor as I look up at the ceiling, directly underneath Em's room. I can see she understands when her pout turns into a grin and she practically fucking bounces in her seat with the knowledge that I still intend to help her prank Emmett. Within seconds, however, Bella's entire demeanor flips. She frowns and sinks back into the sofa, looking defeated. To say I was bemused would be the biggest understatement of the year. I send her a huge dose of my confusion just before I figure it out.

 _Edward and Alice. The motherfuckers_

Whatever they'd said to her earlier was obviously preventing her from enjoying the anticipation of another prank.

 _What the hell had they said to her?_

Her answer to my confusion was a simple shrug. Did she really think I was going to accept that?

 _Sorry, darlin', but that shit ain't flying._

"Bella," my voice was stern, but even I could hear the worry evident in the single word. Apparently, though, it wasn't enough for her as she simply shook her head, not even glancing up at me.

 _Fine. She wants to act like a child; I'll treat her like one._

" _Isabella,"_ My voice lost all evidence of worry and I was pleased to find that it no longer sounded like a question. This was a demand, one she would have no choice but to comply to.

A small part of my mind registered the dark humor that was, I sounded quite like a parent scolding their child, but there was no damn way I could even possibly begin to think of the snarky little human as family. It certainly made some of my previous thoughts about her – sometimes with less clothing than was acceptable in public – completely inappropriate. As if they weren't already. I'm married, and she's dating my dipshit of a 'brother'. Sounds like the perfect grounds for a relationship.

 _Wait… Relationship?_

I brush the thought away quickly and suppress a smirk at the expression on Bella's face. She's most definitely shocked beyond belief – evident on her face and in her emotions – but apparently my tactic worked as her head had snapped up to look at me immediately.

" _Tell me what they said,"_ I continued in the same tone, a little of the Major I kept locked up tight slipping through. That part of me had always loved being in control of any situation and, apparently now was no different. " _Now,_ " I drawled out when she didn't answer straight away.

She opened her mouth to talk, but closed it almost immediately, words obviously failing her. Instead of continuing, her eyes flickered to the stairs, up which I knew for a fact the Narcissistic Nutjobs were residing. As her eyes slid back to mine I knew she didn't want them to hear her badmouthin' them, but, frankly, I didn't give a shit. If they had done something that upset her _so fucking much_ she couldn't even enjoy pissing Emmett off, I was going to find out what.

Eventually Bella blew out a long breath in defeat; clearly seeing that this wasn't going away. _I_ wasn't going away. Her sweet breath swept over my face and I had to fight the urge to groan out loud.

 _Mother of fuck, that has to be the sweetest, most enticing scent ever to exist._

I wanted to breathe that in more than I wanted a human's blood. More than I wanted _any_ blood. I could happily exist just breathing in the scent that is purely _Bella_ ; her breath, her blood, her hair, her… Oh, fuck.

 _Her arousal._

The thought almost knocked me straight off the sofa and onto my ass. Inappropriate didn't even begin to describe these thoughts, these _feelings_ I was having for this… This insignificant little human.

 _But she isn't insignificant, is she? She_ matters _._

This slip of a girl had somehow wormed her way right into my heart and now, there was no getting rid of her.

 **A/N: Okay.**

 **Grovelling: I am super, super,** _ **super, SUPER,**_ _ **SUPER**_ **sorry about not updating for such a long time. I had the first two lines done but couldn't seem to come up with something to put after it. I apologise profusely and promise that, to make up for it, the next chapter will be posted in less than a week.**

 **Excuses: Writer's block, at first. Then (two weeks ago) I went on holiday to Lanzarote and have just gotten back. It would've been posted over 12 hours ago if we hadn't been kicked out of our room at 5 and at the airport at 7. I did, however, use the four-hour flight back to complete this chappie! We landed at 3am and as soon as I got home I proof-read it to the best of my hyper/tired arse's ability (four black coffees with sugar on the plane + 3am = hyper/tired Lianne).**

 **Well, it's 05:04 in the morning so I'm going to try to get some sleep now! Goodnight/morning/what-the-fuck-ever!**

 **THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone that has reviewed – you have made this story my priority. All reviewers will receive a teaser for the next chapter.**

 **And I am currently looking for a Beta if anyone's interested, just PM me!**

 **Also, there will be swearing throughout the entirety of the story and probably lemons later on 'cause we all love a bit of fruit, don't we? So if you're underage, go away or just don't tell me so then my conscience is clear, 'kay?**

 **Disclaimer: Yep, it's all me, I wrote Twilight (are you kidding me? Of course I didn't). Also, the titles of the chapters are taken from previously mentioned confidence inspiring songs. This chapter is from 'Power & Control' by Marina and the Diamonds. **

**Thanks and kisses, Lianne.**

 **P.S. Do you think it's possible you could get the review amount up to 75, favourite amount up to 100 and follower amount up to 160? Just a little daydream of mine I'd love to achieve. Again, thank you for all the love and good night.**


	7. Just to Be Absolutely Sure of the Facts

**A/N: Sooooo… Hi. I know, you hate me – but don't hate the story? I'm sorry it took so long; really, I'm just a procrastinating div who has too much college work. For some reason Bella went on a lot of tangents in this chapter, but I suppose it's just her mind figuring out her feelings for Jasper, Edweird and Malice. I hope you enjoy this chapter and please review because you will get a teaser!**

Chapter 7 – Just to Be Absolutely Sure of the Facts

 **BPOV**

I really didn't want to do this. There wasn't even the slightest chance that they wouldn't hear, even if I whispered as quietly as was possible. Which for me isn't that quiet because I've been told many times – mainly by Jake – that I don't possess something called an 'indoor voice'. Not that he does either. Or Emmett. Jasper though… He could be damn quiet. Actually, he somehow seemed quieter than the rest of my vampy family, even when it came to stuff like walking and moving – which is stupid because of course I know that they're all silent. Well, to me, anyway.

Em had actually missed him coming into the room once and, let me tell you, it's fucking hilarious to see your 6'5 vampire brother emit a screech similar to the one Lauren Mallory makes whenever shopping is mentioned, and proceed to jump at least four feet in the air. I'm not kidding; Esme had to replace the large, head-shaped hole that was left in the ceiling.

 _Ah, good times…_

I was quickly snapped back to the present as Jasper pressed that I answer " _now"_. So instinctively I opened my moth to talk. Now, I've never been a girl who took demands off anyone, especially not males who seemed to believe that they were the stronger sex and could boss me around – not until Edward and Alice that is (I'm still trying to figure out why they're the exception to the rule). But I'll be the first to admit – secretly, of course, I couldn't go around shouting that I thought my boyfriend's brother was attractive – that the controlling, dominating side of Jasper was hot as hell. And, for some reason I couldn't place, I felt compelled to answer him. It was the way I'd felt earlier when I'd obediently looked up at him as he used that same dark, quiet and stern tone.

' _Obediently'? 'Stern'? Had I suddenly been transported into the_ Fifty Shades of Grey _book that I'd never actually got around to reading?_

I let out a deep breath, which I belatedly realized blew all over his face and _oh my God what if it smelled all omelette-y from earlier and it was disgusting and –_ _**hang on did he just breathe it in? Like, on purpose?**_

I quickly brush away the millisecond in which I thought Jasper's face seemed to transform into all softness and bliss – because, really, I'd just breathed all over him, why would he be happy about that? – and focused on what to say.

I _know_ I'm completely overreacting and just being silly but I've recently begun to see a different side to my boyfriend and my best friend. And that upsets me. But I don't want Jasper thinking I'm some kind of wimpy, over-emotional Jessica Stanley type girl who gets upset when someone, who just happens to be his wife, insults her style. Because that's totally not who I am. I'm okay with the clothes I wear because I know I rock them. Seriously, skinny jeans and a t-shirt suit me, so why shouldn't I wear them? Although recently I _have_ found myself liking a few of Rosalie's slightly more classy jean-type ensembles… Little blazer-esque jackets and button-up blouses. But most definitely not Alice's Barbie-puke-pink outfits. Like, seriously, we get it; you like pink.

I realise I've gone off on yet _another_ tangent but am pleased to find that it hasn't annoyed Jasper as he seems to have done exactly the same. And it looks like he's mid-epiphany, so I won't interrupt him. Because of that, obviously – not because I'm putting off the impending Edward/Alice conversation.

 _Suuuurrreee…. I do wonder what he's thinking about though._

I didn't have long to ponder over it though, because he soon snapped out of it and started looking at me funny. So, because I am who I am, which is a bitch who doesn't give a shit, I brought it up. What? – I was curious.

"Dude," I called his attention using my new favorite word of the week. "You're being weird. Why?" It's obvious how sensitive I am to other people's emotions.

"No, I'm not," he denied, just a little too quickly to be believable. My eyes immediately squint as I look at him accusingly, but he refuses to back down.

 _Weirdy._

"And don't think that you've distracted me, Swan," he continued, acting as if _I_ was the one being strange. "Because I'm still expecting an answer."

 _Damn._

I glance at the stairs again. Just knowing they're up there and will hear me being all PMS-y about them made me feel awkward and silly – it's not like they're acting any differently than usual; if anything _I'm_ the one who's changed. I'm reverting back to my old self and somehow it's making me see that the Duo aren't quite as perfect as I first believed. They also aren't quite as far away as I wish they'd be for this conversation.

 _Double damn._

Giving in, I sigh once more – ensuring that I breathe downwards instead of right into poor Jasper's face again – and pull my shit together. It's not like I'm doing anything awful, I mean, all I'm doing is regurgitating their words.

So I set off, telling Jasper everything that he missed and trying not to pay attention to the way his face becomes a deadly calm mask. By the time I'm finished he's starting to look a little scary and, if I was anyone else and had a morsel of sense in my silly little human brain, I would've legged it in the opposite direction and never looked back. But of course I didn't. I mean, this is _Jasper;_ he'd never intentionally hurt me. Even at my birthday party (that I didn't want), he didn't _intentionally plan_ to attack me, it just happened. I mean, shit, I was bleeding, if one of them _hadn't_ tried to take a bite out of me I would've been a little offended. Which is _really_ stupid, but I never claimed to be the brightest bulb in the pack.

I see him move to stand a lot sooner than I would've noticed if I hadn't been staring at him in such a creepily stalker-like way. I immediately move to put my hand on his arm, obviously knowing it wouldn't hold him down but hoping it might get his attention. It does and he turns to look at me, his expression softening slightly. Which is nice, because I'd read plenty of books where a character's face would 'soften' at the sight of their love interest, and it was a good feeling to know that someone cared about me that-

 _Wait... Love interest? What the fu-This is Jasper! Edward's_ brother, _for fuck's sake, what is_ wrong _with me? It's the lettuce, I swear, the healthiness has infected my brain and made me go mental. Next thing you know I'll be rubbing up against a tree singing about 'bear necessities'._

Forcing my mind away from the image of me re-enacting _The Jungle Book_ , I bring my attention to Jasper, who looks like he's about to go pick a bitch fight with his wife and my boyfriend.

The image of Jasper saying "Shaniqua, hold my earrings," before strutting off upstairs popped into my head the second I thought the words 'bitch fight'. I quickly attempted to rid my mind of that picture, but failed epically and ended up letting a small giggle slip from my lips. Jasper's half confused half worried glance didn't help matters at all and only succeeded in making me laugh harder.

I'm pretty sure he checked my emotions just in case I was having some kind of breakdown, because that's probably what it looked like. Honestly, that would make more sense because how my mind came to create this wonderfully hilarious, greatly disturbing image is beyond me.

Just as I find that I am laughing so hard I can't sit up straight and have to lean on Jasper, I vaguely acknowledge Emmett walking down the stairs and into the room.

"Dude, I think you broke Bella," was his reaction. I turned, intending to glare at him, and saw that he was _still_ wearing the shorts.

"Dude!" Is all I can splutter out between my laughter, which has doubled since seeing Emmett's attire. I slap Jasper's chest – lightly, because I'm distracted not stupid and I would like to keep the bones in my hand intact, thank you very much – to get his attention and point to Em.

At first he only manages a smirk, but eventually even pissy Jasper can't supress his chuckles at the outfit. To most people the joke would be old by now, but Em is the epitome of manly man, so seeing him dressed like that is just ridiculous. Apparently, Em has given up on being angry and has accepted the fact that it is funny as his laughter booms through the living room.

If anybody walked in now they'd probably assume we were all crazy and should be shipped to the nearest insane asylum. And really… I think I'd agree with them.

 **A/N: I know, I know, it's been four months and I'm an awful person. On the bright side I've gained plenty of reviews, favourites and follows in the time it took me to actually get round to this, so thank you. All I can say is, College work is a bitch whom I can't avoid. As much as I wish I could. I've still got two assignments and two essays to do, but I thought you'd all appreciate it if I procrastinated by updating this story.**

 **On another note, I've started a Once Upon a Time fic – I know, I'm a twat because I haven't even finished this one but oh well I've done it – and I'd appreciate it (if any of you like OUAT) if you were to review, favourite and follow that story? You'd be an absolute star if you did.**

 **Okay, I'm off to go and give my cat her prescribed tablet. Wish me (and my soon-to-be scraped up hands) luck. Goodnight.**

 **THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone that has reviewed – you have made this story my priority. All reviewers will receive a teaser for the next chapter.**

 **And I am currently looking for a Beta if anyone's interested, just PM me!**

 **Also, there will be swearing throughout the entirety of the story and probably lemons later on 'cause we all love a bit of fruit, don't we? So if you're underage, go away or just don't tell me so then my conscience is clear, 'kay?**

 **Disclaimer: Yep, it's all me, I wrote Twilight (are you kidding me? Of course I didn't). Also, the titles of the chapters are taken from previously mentioned confidence inspiring songs. This chapter is from 'I'm Not Cool' by Sohodolls.**

 **Thanks and kisses, Lianne.**


	8. Find Everything I Need In Me And Mine

**A/N: Not going to say much; just read, enjoy and review.** **Because if you do you will get a teaser for Chapter 9!**

Chapter 8 – Call It A Crime To Find Everything I Need In Me And Mine

 **BPOV**

Eventually, our giggle session calmed down and Emmett had the chance ask me what started me off in the first place. Biting my lip to stop myself from chuckling again, I shake my head, refusing to let them in on my confusing, mad hatter-esque thought process.

 _That's right, Bella, you keep the mystery… It won't make you look any crazier when you start laughing again and they still have no idea why._

I see that Jasper's pissy face is returning and I refuse to accept that the happy moment is over.

"Emmeeetttt…" I start, smiling softly and fluttering my eyelashes at him a la Jessica Stanley.

"Bellaaaa…" He mocks, copying the eyelashes and everything. I snort at how stupid he looks.

 _Oh well, it was worth a try._

I drop the stupid voice and face as I begin Operation Make Jasper Happy. Also known as Operation Cobra, because I'm obsessed with the TV show _Once Upon a Time_ and I've never needed a code name for anything before so I'll steal that one.

 _Plus it worked on the show; Henry got Emma to believe, so maybe it'll work now too._

"You wanna play a video game?"

As soon as the words fell from my lips he lit up like a fuckin' Christmas tree, I swear. "Fuck yeah! Which one?" He asked as he bounced excitedly on the spot. In his specially-made, short shorts.

 _Who wears short shorts? Em wears short shorts. They're such short shorts, he likes short shorts._

I shrug, "I don't know what they're called, do I?" I absentmindedly begin to hum the tune of 'Short Shorts' as Em goes off to get his game. Jasper seems to be giving me a funny look, but when he catches sight of Emmett – and his shorts – coming back down the stairs he has to cover his moth with his hand to smother his chuckle.

 _Phase One: Get Rid of the Pissy-Face. I can handle Aliceward on my own._

Handing Jasper one of the remotes Emmett gave me, I manage to – after a bit of pleading and puppy-dog eyes – convince him to join us playing whatever-the-fuck-it's-called. All I know is that I'm running around shooting people, insulting Emmett, and enjoying it. A quick glance over at Jasper shows that he is too.

It also shows me just how attractive Jasper is when he laughs. I mean, of course I knew he was drop-dead gorgeous (emphasis on the dead) but the way he looks now; so free, his whole face lit up, his smile reflected in his eyes…

I hear a despondent sound come from my remote and realize a little too late that I've died.

 _God damn it. Stupid pretty vampires with their stupid pretty faces and their stupid pretty smiles._

~*~BOSS~*~

After what has to at least have been a year of shooting walls and dying – video games aren't my forte – I glance at the clock, finding that, while it has only actually been an hour and a half, it is time for me to head home.

"Well, boys," I stand, stretching, my back cracking slightly due to being sat in the same position for so long. "While it was fun dying repeatedly and all, I think it's probably safer for my ego if I quit now and go home."

They both chuckle, obviously proud of their super-fast vampy brains and speed, and I decide to retaliate by stretching my arms above my head, causing my shoulder to pop. Their cringes are extremely satisfying and I grin, mocking their earlier superiority.

 _Oh, yes; they may have super-fast reflexes and super-duper brains, but can they cope with cracking knuckles? No. Muahahaha!_

"I need someone to drive me home, though." I speak casually as I go to collect my shoes from by the door. "Just puttin' that out there."

"I'll take you," A smooth voice with a soft drawl answers seconds later, close behind me. I try not to shiver as I pull on my shoes, turning to look at the owner of said (devastatingly beautiful) voice with a grin.

"Thanks, _Jazzy-poo._ " Mockingly using a name I'd once heard Alice call him, I step out of the house, Em's laugh echoing behind me. It occurs to me only then that I should've kissed Edward goodbye, but… For some reason, I found that I didn't really want to. And, never having been good with confronting my own emotions, I brush it off and pretend that it never happened.

"M'lady." Jasper opens the passenger door to his car, bowing as he motions towards it. Laughing, I of course join in with a curtsy.

"Why, thank you, kind sir." I not-so-elegantly clamber into the car, pulling on my seatbelt and crossing my legs on the seat (something Edward hates, might I add) as Jasper gets in from the other side.

He raises an eyebrow as he glances at my crossed legs but says nothing, grinning and shaking his head slightly as we set off.

I, of course, immediately begin to fiddle with the high-tech, gadget-ridden radio in front of me. It takes me a few minutes to find what I'm searching for – minutes filled with Jaspers chuckles after I jumped as loud rap music ( _Eminem…_ I mused silently) blasted from the speakers. I hastily turned it down, flashing a glance at Jasper for an explanation.

 _There is no way he's an Eminem kinda guy._

"Emmett borrowed my car last night," he explains, his grin widening when he sees my lips silently moving along with the words before I change the station.

 _What can I say? I'm a teenager; I went through a rap phase._

I grin successfully as the sound of Def Leppard's ' _Pour Some Sugar On Me'_ fills the car (along with my awful attempt at karaoke), followed by various other classics as we speed towards my house. I'm delightfully surprised when Jasper's husky drawl joins my less than adequate voice during the chorus of Dire Straits' _'Money For Nothing'_ , and continues to occupy my attention for the remainder of the drive.

~*~BOSS~*~

 **JPOV**

The car ride with Bella was… Enlightening. I'd always assumed that she liked Edward's pansy music – that's not to say that _all_ classical music was bad, it could be quite relaxing, but come on, Edward's a pansy – but once again the funny little human has proven more complex than I had initially given her thought to be. Of course, I didn't expect her to _just_ like all that classical piano shit, but to jump from her liking that to liking AC/DC is something my mind did not do.

If I'm honest, these last few hours with Bella have been more fun than the last decade with Alice, despite the fact that I'm still as pissed as an annoyed wasp at what Bella told me happened. I mean sure, Edward and Alice have always been a little controlling and they've never been the _kindest_ of people, but hell the way they'd spoken to Bella was just plain _cruel_. And Bella may only just be finding herself independent and realising that, but my vampire brain has been processing this all day and I refuse to stand for this shit. I was Major _fucking_ Whitlock and Bella Swan was my- Well, I'm not sure yet, but I care about that slip of a girl almost as much as I care about myself; and I'm a selfish motherfucker. Edward and Alice are soon going to realise that if they want to pick shit with Bella, they would also be picking shit with the most feared vampire known.

Bella tried to hide it, but I felt her pain flair up every now and then, presumably as she thought about the fucked up things that pair of dicks said to her. And I was going to make sure they regretted ever hurting that poor girl.

"EDWARD! ALICE!" I roar as I pull into our driveway, my anger coming to a head. "GET YOUR SORRY MOTHERFUCKING ASSES OUT HERE, _**NOW!**_ _"_

 **A/N: Okay. I know, I know, I haven't updated since December but… Well I don't really have an excuse, it's here now though! And I went to a lot of trouble to update it today (I'm on my brother's laptop bc mine's got a virus) so don't be too angry? Ily all!**

 **On another note, I've started two Once Upon a Time fics (one multi-chap and one consisting of oneshots) – I know, I'm a twat because I haven't even finished this one but oh well I've done it – and I'd appreciate it (if any of you like OUAT) if you were to review, favourite and follow? You'd be an absolute star if you did.**

 **THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone that has reviewed – you have made this story my priority. All reviewers will receive a teaser for the next chapter.**

 **And I am currently looking for a Beta if anyone's interested, just PM me!**

 **Also, there will be swearing throughout the entirety of the story and probably lemons later on 'cause we all love a bit of fruit, don't we? So if you're underage, go away or just don't tell me so then my conscience is clear, 'kay?**

 **Disclaimer: Yep, it's all me, I wrote Twilight (are you kidding me? Of course I didn't). Also, the titles of the chapters are taken from previously mentioned confidence inspiring songs. This chapter is from 'Swan' by Willa.**

 **Thanks and kisses, Lianne.**


	9. She's Getting On My Nerves

**A/N:** **Serious question, guys.** **I really don't have a vision of where I want this story to go, so I was thinking of making it like a request/prompt sort of thing? Like you guys give me a phrase/idea/word and I turn it into a chapter and sort of shape it all into one big story. I don't know, but if you guys are interested let me know and start sending your prompts!**

Chapter 9 – She's Getting On My Nerves

 **JPOV**

I slide out of the car gracefully, focusing my willpower on not slamming the door too hard – my poor car hadn't done anything wrong.

Despite the fact that I'd only yelled for my wife and her partner in assholery, everyone but Emmett came rushing outside. Carlisle and Esme looked worried and confused, Rose looked like a bitch (as fuckin' usual), and my targets – I mean victims – I mean the fuckheads, looked arrogantly confused.

 _Of course._

" _What the_ _ **fuck**_ _were you thinking saying shit like that to Bella?_ "

"Jasper!" My tiny wife looks affronted. "Why are you being so rude, you know all we do is care for Bella, we'd never do anything that wasn't beneficial to he-"

I cut her off, unable to even comprehend the bullshit she's spewing.

" _Beneficial?_ So who cares if her feelings are hurt – fuckin' trampled on – as long as your intentions were pure? Well, y'know what? I don't believe you. I don't believe any of the shit you've done to her – and me, as a matter o' fuckin' fact – was in any way for us. I think it was all for you. You and that dipshit over there. Moulding us into the perfect little spouses – y'know it's so fucked up, Bella'd never even heard my accent before! After _you_ trained it out of me like I was some child with a bad habit. Well fuck you, I'm not gonna be your fuckin' lap dog anymore."

"Jazzy-poo, I-"

"No." I speak curtly, my voice low and determined. "We're done. If I don't even recognise myself after just over 50 years with you, I don't even wanna guess at what'll happen if I stick around for all of eternity."

Alice turned to sob into Edward's shoulder, the rest of the family having to common decency to head back inside and give us the illusion of privacy.

I'd originally intended to just chew them out for what they'd said to Bella, but all the underlying emotions that had been boiling inside of me for a while now just came spilling out. And soon I won't have a wife.

 _Well, fuck._

Not that I regret it. No, if anything I feel a little relieved – we weren't the same couple we used to be, at this point we were barely even tolerating each other. But what would happen with the rest of the Cullens? I certainly couldn't be expected to stick around after my little outburst, although fuck knows where I'd go. There was always Peter.

 _But what about Bella?_

I immediately ignore the fact that the main reason I didn't want to leave was the tiny little human with the big mouth, and instead move onto other matters.

Looking straight at Edward, I let The Major slip into my voice again. "You ever fuckin' hurt her again – with even just one tiny little insult – and I will remove your dick from your body and bury it right into the ground. Deep. Somewhere it'll take you at least two centuries to find. You understand me, boy?"

I don't wait for an answer as I stroll past and head towards the house, hopeful that my family doesn't hate me quite as much as my soon-to-be ex-wife must right now.

 **A/N: Yup. It's been forever. Yup. It's the shortest chapter yet. Sorry, guys. I just wanted to get your opinions on the question at the top and the poll I've explained below ASAP. Also review please. Ily all.**

 ** _I've created a poll and I'd seriously appreciate if you guys would take the time to answer it. It's just gonna let me know where to put my priorities writing-wise for the next couple of months, and then we can reconvene and do another one. If you could just visit my profile and select your answer(s) you'd be a star. Thank you._**

 **Also, I didn't get a chance to answer your reviews with a sneak preview and for that I'm extremely sorry. They all made me very happy, though, and I will get back on track for the next chapter which I hope to have finished pretty soon.**

 **I am currently looking for a Beta so if anyone's interested, just PM me!**

 **Disclaimer: Yep, it's all me, I wrote Twilight (are you kidding me? Of course I didn't). Also, the titles of the chapters are taken from previously mentioned confidence inspiring songs. This chapter is from 'Pacify Her' by Melanie Martinez.**

 **Thanks and kisses, Lianne.**


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